bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
