Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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