Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
