I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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