That's when you crack a 10am beer
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
