ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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