I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
