let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
