I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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