Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
