....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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