If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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