can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
