I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize