im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
