now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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