better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
