Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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