you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize