Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
