Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
