Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
