she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
jump out the window naked night went bad
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
