I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
