i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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