last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
