Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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