don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
