Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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