youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he shaved USA in his pubs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
