I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
