it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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