Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
