she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
