good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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