Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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