In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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