She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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