She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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