I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
