I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'd cum for enchiladas.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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