After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
