be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
