it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
