I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
