we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
