I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
