peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
