I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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