I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
