just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
