My sheets look like a crime scene.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize