What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
