He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
