Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
