Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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