I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Randomize