I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
