I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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