it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
