I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
