Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize