You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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