and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
