yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
