i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
