After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
