Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Send help, water and tortillas.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
