Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
