So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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