jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
