Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
