Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
