I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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