Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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