Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
