ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
