I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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