my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
