I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
