even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
