well you can't waste a boner
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize