so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
