ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
