Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
