Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
