so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
