I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
