i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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