Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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