in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
try to milk me bitch
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