i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
