My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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