is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
