My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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