so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
