My friends, they love my intelligence
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
