did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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