That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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